


To Love You Without Being Afraid

by jule1122



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drabble Series, M/M, Nora lives, Post-Canon, alexweek2020, precanon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:22:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24886036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jule1122/pseuds/jule1122
Summary: Michael is there to say goodbye when Alex leaves for the Air Force.  It changes everything.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 32
Kudos: 187





	To Love You Without Being Afraid

**Author's Note:**

> Drabble series written for Alex Manes week Day 2 Au or Canon Divergence. There is a double drabble toward the end because I am a cheater.
> 
> Title taken from "Lamb's Wool" by Foster the People

“I don’t want to say goodbye.”

“Then don’t.”

“Michael,” Alex sighs, frustrated. He thought Michael understood why he had to go. He wishes Michael would leave too, but he refuses.

“No, I mean you get leave, right?”

“Yeah,” Alex agrees cautiously. “But I’m not coming back here. I’m leaving Roswell for good.”

“So I’ll come to you,” Michael shruggs. “Just don’t say goodbye. Not for good. I love you.”

“I love you too. You really think we could make this work?”

“It’s worth trying.”

“Ok,” Alex says just as his phone beeps. He kisses Michael once more before walking away.

“I missed you, I can’t believe you’re here,” Alex whispers into Michael’s neck.

Michael runs a lazy hand through Alex’s hair before kissing him again. “I said you were worth it.”

Alex smiles, but it fades when he notices the yellowing bruise on Michael’s cheekbone. “What’s this?”

“Nothing, just a stupid fight.”

Alex stiffens, “You said you’d stop. You’re better than this, better than Roswell.”

“I can’t leave Roswell, not yet. But I’m looking at online classes, just gotta figure out money.”

When Alex returns from leave, he arranges for part of his paycheck to be deposited into Michael’s account.

“You got somebody back home?” 

Reed’s question startles Alex. They’re back from another fucked up mission, and he's too tired to lie. “Yeah, his name’s Michael.” He thumbs through his phone until he finds a recent picture of them together. “He’s graduating with his Master’s this week. I can’t believe I’m going to miss it.”

“Sucks not to be there,” Reed studies the photo before handing the phone back. “But I bet he understands. You two look happy.”

“Thanks,” Alex relaxes. Reed’s on his fifth tour to Alex’s third. He could make trouble if he really wanted to. “We are.”

Alex wakes up to numbness instead of pain, not sure which is more terrifying. He forces his eyes open and finds Michael staring at him, tears in his eyes.

Michael looks horrible. His eyes are bloodshot and he hasn’t shaved. Alex wants to ask what’s wrong, but he can’t speak.

“It’s ok, darlin. Just relax. I’m here.” 

Alex feels Michael’s hand holding his so he tries to squeeze it. Michael smiles so he must succeed.

“The doctor will be here in a minute, but you’re fine. I promise. I love you so much.” 

Alex drifts away before he can answer.

“You need to go home.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

“You have a job.” 

“I told you I took a leave.” After two weeks of the same argument, Michael sounds as frustrated as Alex feels.

“You can’t keep wasting your life watching me try to sit up on my own.”

“You’re not a waste of my time!”

They both freeze when everything in the room shakes, and two vases explode.

“Shit,” Michael sits down heavily in the chair next to Alex’s bed, before taking his hand. “If you’re going to keep pissing me off, there’s something I need to tell you.”

Six month into his recovery, Alex finds Project Shepard. The first thing he says to Michael is, “How did my father know you were an alien before I did?”

Once they both stop laughing, they make plans. Alex’s hand shakes when he signs the papers to transfer to Roswell. Michael promises it will be different. They’ll be together, and Jesse won’t be able to hurt them.

After they return to Roswell, Alex wastes no time in making good on his promise to destroy everything his father loves. Within weeks, Jesse and Flint are in jail, awaiting a certain court martial.

When he finds out about Caulfield, Alex doesn’t sleep for a week. Despite Michael’s assurance, he can’t stop blaming himself for his family's atrocities. As much as he wants to rush in, he knows he has to tread carefully if he wants to rescue everyone.

By the time he’s done, his families legacy is imprisoning suspected Nazi sympathizers he reveals were simply immigrants who lacked the English skills to prove their innocence.

Threatening a public reveal, he’ll never follow through on, Alex secures a settlement more than large enough to let the remaining prisoners live their lives out in comfort.

Alex plans the release down to the last detail, and it goes as smoothly as it can. He tries to treat it like any other mission, keeping a professional distance as Max, Michael and Isobel greet each prisoner with hugs and tears. He catches himself looking away, trying to ignore the nagging feeling that this is all his fault.

He can’t look away when Michael reaches for him, eyes red-rimmed but happy. “My mom is here, Alex. She’s alive.”

When he wraps his arms around Alex, whispering “thank you” into his chest, Alex smiles for the first time in days.

Alex doesn’t meet Nora until the next day. Watching her fuss over Michael feels like a miracle, and when she turns to him, he easily returns her smile.

“You have his heart,” she tells him. “Your father’s.”

Alex pulls back from her, blood draining from his face.

“Mom,” Michael rushes in, and if Alex wasn’t trying so hard not to be sick, he’d marvel at how natural the name sounds coming from Michael. “Alex is nothing like Jesse.”

“Jesse? Tripp isn’t your father?”

Alex shakes his head and tries to breathe. “Tripp was his uncle. He died before I was born. He didn’t have a family.”

She reaches up and touches Alex’s cheek, “You have his heart,” she repeats. “And you brought my son to me. You are his promise to me”

“How?” he begins, not sure what to ask.

Nora takes both their hands, “Let me show you.”

When they leave her memories, they’re all crying. “You do have his heart,” Michael laughs. 

“He’d be so proud of you,” Nora smiles softly.

Alex chokes up again, realizing how much he wants someone to be proud of him. He lets Michael hold him, and feels free for the first time.

Alex proposes the day he signs his discharge papers. He wants to belong to Michael alone when he says his vows.

Nora makes the ring for him from a piece of salvaged alien glass. She teaches him how to etch in the symbols that will pledge his life to Michael’s. She doesn’t tell him, but he knows she’s working on one for him as well.

Alex asks Michael to drive them out to the desert for the sunset. He asks Michael to marry him, kissing the “yeses” that fall from his lips as they celebrate under the star filled sky.


End file.
